


Twas the Night Before Cat-mas

by BloodAndPaper



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 05:01:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5362340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodAndPaper/pseuds/BloodAndPaper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for this crack fic. But I couldn't just NOT do it...</p><p>Twas the Night Before Christmas - Carmilla style...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twas the Night Before Cat-mas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the villa,

Not a creature was stirring, not even Catmilla;

The blood bags were hanging in the fridge with care,

In hopes that the vampire soon would be there;

 

The Tiny Gay was nestled all snug in the booth,

While plagued with visions of lebkuchen, she had in her youth;

And Perry in her turtleneck, and the other redheaded twin,

Had just settled down to eat creepy gingerbread men,

 

When out in the town there arose such a clatter,

Laura sprang from the booth to see what was the matter.

Looking out of the window, “Holy Hufflepuff,” she cried.

At the sight of torches and pitchforks gathered outside.

 

The glow of the flames on the gleaming sharp prongs,

Looked like hundreds of eyes rising out of the throng.

When what to her wondering eyes should appear,

But a giant black cat, chasing eight tiny reindeer,

 

The fat little sleigh driver, so lively and swift,

Was chasing the panther, and boy, he looked miffed!

The reindeer circled back, to pick up their claim,

And the man whistled, and shouted, and called out their names.

 

"Now, Creampuff! now, Poptart! now, Cupcake and Cookie!

On, Pudding! on Candy! on, Chocolate and Brownie!

To the top of the diner! We have to survive!

Before that giant black cat eats us alive!"

 

And up in the air, where no reindeer should go,

The sleigh and its tenants, leapt from the snow,

So up to the diner-top the reindeer they flew,

With the sleigh full of toys, and the little man too.

 

And then, in a twinkling, Laura heard from the rungs,

A winded man screaming at the top of his lungs.

She went to close the window, and was turning around,

When the nimble panther jumped through with one bound.

 

It had gleaming black fur, from its head to its foot,

And it looked like it had been covered with ashes and soot;

A bundle of toys it had clenched in its jaws,

And it stalked toward Laura on four dirty paws.

 

Its eyes - how they twinkled! Its teeth were quite scary!

Its ears twitched as if listening, to her breathing go airy.

Its lithe, muscular body was covered in mud,

And the jaws of the beast were dripping with blood;

 

Then the diner-maid appeared with more gingerbread men,

They tried to deny her, but she wouldn’t give in.

So Laura decided she was likely a witch,

Who had eaten her husband, and the reindeer, that bitch!

 

The great cat dropped the bundle and leapt through the air,

It lunged at the diner-maid, who had not a prayer;

It growled at the witch as it stood on her belly,

But the enchantress distracted it with bowl of blood jelly.

 

She spoke not a word, but went straight for the Cupcake,

She prodded and poked, and made her ready to bake,

The witch sprang to her oven, to preheat to 350,

She kept looking at Laura, which was really quite shifty.

 

When the great cat finally noticed, it was nigh out of time,

But it dove at the witch, when the oven had chimed;

Then Laura shouted in fear, her hair all a muss,

"MURDER HER FOR CHRISTMAS! MURDER HER FOR CHRISTMAS!"


End file.
